Carpe Diem

I don’t know why thoughts of you only get to me when I should be sleeping. It seems like every time I stay up late the thought of you consumes me. The thoughts of what we were, what we are and what we could have been. I mean damn, I loved you like pure, unconditional, irreplaceable love. The kind of love you will spend the rest of your life attempting to find. Why are you so blind? Would I have had a better chance of maintaining our relationship if I would have neglected you? Would it have made you stay if I didn’t want you to? I wish I knew why I’m still asking these questions. I wish you knew how close I am to giving up on us. The only reason I won’t tell you is because I know how you react when you think you’re going to lose me. I don’t want your actions to be an attempt to satisfy me, I want them to be genuine. Not even exactly what I wish they would be, even if it hurts, just genuine. You don’t care though. I guess my biggest problem is that you show no emotion while I’m consumed with it. I hate this…